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Adrian Newey to enter Ultimate Fighting Championship in 2025

Noted designer abandons F1 entirely to go and fight people in a massive cage

Published: 19 Jun 2024

Here’s’s roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring

Celebrated Formula One designer Adrian Newey is set to enter the Ultimate Fighting Championship in 2025, can exclusively reveal.

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Following his shock resignation from Red Bull Racing, sources close to the feted 65-year-old British F1 ace have revealed Newey will abandon his rumoured move to Ferrari and head to the UFC instead so he could ‘finally get to crack some skulls’.

And in a surprise twist, the genteel, multi-championship-winning technical ace – apparently ‘relishing’ the chance to ‘lay out some bums’ using his new fighting moniker ‘Dr Ground Effect’  – will compete in UFC’s top Heavyweight tier.

“I’ve pretty much achieved everything I ever wanted to achieve in the world of motorsport,” Newey was quoted as saying. “However, I still enjoy working with my hands and thinking on my feet, so after weighing up all the pros and cons of a wide variety of potential future careers, I’ve come to only one logical, rational conclusion.

“Cage fighting.

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“The regulations around the different weight classes in mixed martial arts is a fascinating area for me to explore, and I'm looking forward to the personal challenge of hitting the 265lb weight limit while being as easy as possible on my joints, and managing an optimum level of speed and traction when ducking a massive knee to the face.

“But mostly I’m looking forward to whupping these no-good punks into aerodynamically efficient forms through studious application of crushing right hands and my god given natural ability to destroy any sucker who dares test me.

“As a wise man once said, King Kong ain’t got **** on me.”

Sources later reported Newey binge-watching post-race team principal comments while furiously bench-pressing the RB20 F1 car.

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