NASA responds to Chandrayaan-3 mission by launching Cadillac Escalade IQ at Uranus

Here's TopGear.com's roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring

NASA has announced plans to launch the fully electric Cadillac Escalade IQ at Uranus in a bid to prop it back up again.

Buoyed by the success of both India’s historic mission to the Moon’s south pole and the earlier reveal of a four-tonne electric SUV, the decorated American space agency now believes it finally has a projectile robust enough to ‘fix that darn planet’ once and for all.

Astronomers believe the unexplored ice giant was once subjected to a colossal impact centuries ago that left it spinning on its side and are keen to sit it back up again by launching a comically heavy family car at its surface.

“Uranus has long been a thorn in our galaxy’s side,” a NASA expert said. “It rotates at a nearly 90-degree angle from the plane of its orbit, which makes it almost appear to spin on its side.

“If you’re an astronomer with years of experience and an intricate knowledge of the universe, the sight of that lopsided gas-filled lug is just super, super annoying. We’ve been looking at ways to stand that darn planet back up again for decades.

“Now Caddy’s building a hilariously oversized electric SUV with a kerbweight that eclipses one of Uranus's moons, we finally have the perfect missile.

“Yeah yeah, well done India. Nice little Moon mission you got there. Now watch us stand an ice giant back up using an American SUV.”

A NASA spokesperson later confirmed the Escalade IQ’s sound system will only play I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing by Aerosmith.