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Santa ditches reindeer for electric sleigh, now stuck at broken charge point

Saint Nick’s pledge to go net zero backfires as e-sleigh now inoperable

Published: 25 Dec 2023

Here’s TopGear.com’s roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring

Santa Claus is stuck at a broken electric charging point at a service station somewhere in the Midlands, sources have revealed.

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The jolly, bearded present-giver recently made a pledge to reduce his carbon footprint after his traditional, reindeer-powered sleigh was deemed to have fallen foul of Euro 6 emissions standards.

However, his replacement electric sleigh featuring a quad-motor powertrain and best-in-class 1,000kWh lithium-ion battery is now stuck at a defective charge point in an undisclosed location just outside Birmingham.

“‘Get an electric sleigh’, they all said. I went for the fastest, most powerful one I could find, able to go from 0-60mph in 2.9 million wishes time, which – I was assured by the manufacturer – made it the fastest electric sleigh ever built.

“I’d done most of the North of England in one swift hit – the acceleration off the line was really quite breathtaking! – at which point it showed 1,000 miles of range left.

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“But then I hit some cold weather and despite going easy on the throttle, the range suddenly dropped to 34 miles. I stopped at a charging point but of the four installed, three had those godawful SUVs parked in the bays. All of them were fully charged.

“The fourth charger was a 7kW lightweight that didn’t even work. Now I’m stuck with nine different charging apps on my phone, a flat sleigh and a boatload of presents.

“Ho. Ho. Ho.”

Onlookers later reported Santa attempting to exchange a number of boxed gifts for a service station meal deal, though he was turned away for insufficient funds.

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